Last summer, I arrived on scene mere moments after it happened.
I ran by the one who would later be declared an innocent victim, I didn't realize he was seriously injured because it was the other side that was impacted, and he was dazed but appeared conscious. (He lived.)
I ran to the car that looked very bad. The front was crumpled in and smouldering.
He was pinned in and I didn't know how to get to him and I didn't know a person can perform CPR when a person is still breathing. To me, because he took a breath every minute, then every three minutes, I thought he might make it. To the side of him there was a lit iPhone maybe browsing tunes. Its not like the mindless radio where you press one button without looking.
I pleaded with him to stay, I prayed for him, I promised him that he could trust Jesus on this side or the other.
He was still gasping every three minutes, returning from somewhere and raising his whole torso to find that air. I thought he would stay. I spoke of love, told him he was loved, strong, beautiful and wonderful. I pleaded for him to have another chance.
I found out after, that you can give CPR to someone who is having a hard time breathing, but still breathing. That was not my training, those ten or so years before.
Fire crews rushed to the other vehicle.
When paramedics finally arrived they got in there and pumped CPR (compressions with arms stretched in right through the window, and a pump mask), in a way I hadn't thought of or been trained.
When it just happened.. Everyone thought he had already or was likely to pass on and the smell of something burning in the engine was hard to endure till someone broke open the window on the other side, so, that breath he fought so hard to take in might bring another moment.
But his eyes I could not tell you the colour, they were not looking into this world.
I hope his family and friends can know he was comforted as much as possible but I am sorry I couldn't do more ... was I wrong to tell the firefighters he was breathing every minute?
I thought they'd assist his breathing.
Why did they look at him and move to the other vehicle even when I pleaded?
Why did the cardiologist shake his head slightly before leaving?
Why did the paramedics try without question?
Yesterday we were happily stopped at a traffic light, behind a long line of cars, laughing and happy, and I had just been praying about forgiveness and grace. When I glanced up in the rear view and glimpsed a van and thought "that is going too fast to stop", then before I registered what I saw, I looked back to my passenger and saw the little arms go forward in the impact.
We were struck from behind. My passenger had no idea what in the world was happening.
The other driver had been looking down but I didn't tell the police that detail.
But we were ok.
Hubby was very upset all evening at what almost happened to his family.. especially knowing it could have been prevented but I was grateful because it could have been worse.
I believe God's Grace protected us.
Every moment a spot of soreness tries to lie or I begin to wonder about the frame, I take those thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and dwell on the knowledge of what God did.
Hubby was very upset that we were harmed in her distraction, but in this, was it a warning?
Could it be that she or we are being given another chance in this?
I'm with Carrie, "Jesus take the wheel.. I can't make it on my own."
We all make mistakes, I feel such Grace because of the nature of the prayers just before.. and we all get momentarily distracted,
God help us all stay focused and help us make changes in our habits,
to minimize distractions or how we deal with them.
And thank you Jesus for second chances.